Friday, September 7, 2012

6 Identifying Marks of a True Friend

Read 1Samuel 20.

An old adage that dates back over 500 years states: "A friend in need is a friend indeed."  Many can be friendly, but it is in times of personal crises that one discovers who their true friends are.

David found himself in a life and death crisis.  King Saul and all his minions were on a pursuit to find and kill David.  At the core of his stress, perhaps more than his potential loss of life, was the question, "Why?".  In verse 1 he asked, "What have I done?  What is my guilt?  And what is my sin...?"

Every suffering person asks those same questions.  "What did I do wrong that this happened to me?  What could I have done differently?  What is my sin that God has allowed this?"  If there has been some obvious foolish decision or outright sinful behavior, then one can more easily admit they brought it on themselves.  But, when after self-examination there is no answer, the confusion can become unbearable.  That is when it is most helpful to have a friend.

Such friends are few and far between.  No one has a lot of friendships on this level.  Fortunately for David, God provided Jonathan.  Here are just a few transferable characteristics of a true friend found in this chapter.

1. A true friend is willing to just listen. (v.1)
A person on the front end of a crisis does not want to hear platitudes, does not want the subject changed to your story, does not want to hear a countering view, or your solution.  The first thing they need is someone who will just listen to their emotions and even to vent their questions without judgment.  That does not mean silence but words of understanding and support are needed.

2. A true friend is available and willing to help. (v.4)
Some real friends may care deeply but due to other circumstances or commitments simply cannot be available or in a position to help.  In times of deep need, a friend is needed who can drop what they are doing to serve whatever is required.  Jonathan's words, "Whatever you say, I will do for you" had to be reassuring to David.  In verses 5 and 42, this commitment extended to the needs of their families.

3. A true friend is meeting real needs, not just temporal ones. (v.14)
The greatest need of anyone is to experience the eternal love of the LORD.  The second is to experience the faithful love of a friend.  This type of love is best defined in the word commitment.  David looked at Jonathan and said, "show me the steadfast love of the LORD".   We have the opportunity in such cases to be the hands of Jesus in demonstrating what true love looks like.

4. A true friend has a plan to help. (v.18-22)
Without specifics of what to do, the so-called love only melts into a puddle of emotions.  At some point there must be some substance that will genuinely help the one in crisis to take the next step.  It may not be the ultimate solution, but at least there is movement and progress toward hope.

5. A true friend has your back. (v.28-34)
Jonathan defended David when he was not there to defend himself.  When others say bad things about your friend in their absence, what do you do or say?  That is a test of true friendship.  Standing up for David almost cost Jonathan his life.  Willingness to put one's own life on the line for another is the highest commitment of a true friend.

6. A true friend is emotionally invested. (v.41)
Sometimes there is nothing left to do but cry together. 

"A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." (Proverbs 18:24)

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