3 keys to handling Misunderstandings

 Read Joshua 16-22. 

Most of this section is the account of how the land was divided among the tribes.  The nation convened at Shiloh and there they set up the Tent of Meeting (The Tabernacle).  Finally, everyone had a place to settle and call their own.  The conclusion of chapter 21 is not to be missed.  Israel fought the battles, but it was God who gave them the victory, peace, and the land by promise.  "Not one word of all the good promises that the LORD had made to the house of Israel had failed; all came to pass." (21:45) 

Two and half of the twelve tribes claimed land on the east side of the Jordan River prior to the crossing.  With the war being over they were free to go home.  At their departure in chapter 22, Joshua charged them strongly "to love the LORD your God, and to walk in all his ways and to keep his commandments and to cling to him and to serve him with all your heart and with all your soul." (22:5) 

As the people of Gad, Reuben and the half-tribe of Manasseh came to the Jordan they did not want future generations to think that the separation of a river meant they were not a part of the nation of Israel and the worship of God.  With all the best intentions of unity and spiritual commitment, they built an altar as a monument of remembrance by the riverbank. 

But when the folks back home got wind that these tribes had built their own altar, civil war nearly broke out.  God made it clear that there was only one altar and one place where sacrifices were to be made to Him.  That altar remained in the Tabernacle in Shiloh.  The rest of the nation perceived this well-intentioned act as an extreme violation of their faith and the perhaps the worship of false gods.  Fortunately, cooler heads prevailed before taking military action. 

There are three key principles here for all of us in resolving misunderstandings or offences.

1. Confrontation. (22:10-20)

For this to be effective it must be prepared.  Choose carefully where to meet and when.  This should be as mutually comfortable as possible to have a serious conversation.      Confronting someone with a wrong motive, in a wrong way, or meeting under false pretenses will only worsen the conflict.  It should be seasoned in prayer (lots of it) so that God is control of you, the situation, and the outcome. 

2. Explanation. (22:21-29)

Emotions must be in check so as not to cloud thinking and reasoning.  Wording should be prepared so the inquiry does not get off-track and cause things to be said that will later be regretted.  What to say and not say is crucial to the outcome, but the inquiry must be specific and honest.  Always assume that there may be something you do not know or understand yet.  Ask for the explanation and then listen to their answer without interrupting them.  Listen to their words and their heart. 

3. Reconciliation. (22:30-34)

The legitimate goal of confrontation is restoration.  Before any confrontation, you should know what is needed in order to reconcile the misunderstanding or offence.  God loves reconciliation.  That is why Jesus came to reconcile us to God.  When we are able to reconcile with each other we are putting God's heart and principles into real action. 

"Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness.  Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted.  Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ." (Galatians 6:1-2)