Read Proverbs 24.
The problem with most premarital counseling is that no one is listening.
Trying to discuss real life issues and potential conflicts with two
people who are at an emotional peak may prove to be fruitless. The
tragedy is that most couples spend all their time getting ready for the
wedding, lasting only a few minutes, and none getting ready for the marriage in
which they promise to keep until their death.
What are those key elements that every person, every couple, and everyone in
the family needs in order to build a home that will last?
1. "By wisdom a house is built." (v.3a)
Proverbs 9:1 states that "Wisdom has built her house; she has hewn her
seven pillars." James 3:17 lists seven characteristics of godly
wisdom: pure, peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits,
impartial, and sincere. This requires the filling of the Holy Spirit,
self-discipline and a lot of practice.
2. "By understanding it is established." (v.3b)
Understanding each other's personal strengths and weaknesses, abilities and
needs, what to do and what not to do, takes a lifelong commitment of time.
This requires a willingness to learn and ability to adapt.
3. "By knowledge the rooms are filled..." (v.4a)
Here is the starting point. Proverbs 1:7-"The fear of the LORD is
the beginning of knowledge." Without a personal relationship with
the Savior, the most important decision for a successful marriage will be
missed. Living each day with the mutual awareness of God's life
principles and the understanding of accountability to Him provides the very
glue that is necessary.
Our marriage counseling lasted about two days for a total of about two hours. Nothing was said that has helped me in the course of our marriage. It's not just that emotions are "good" it's that the Church needs to up its game here.
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