3 characteristics of true Love

 Read Song of Solomon 8.

This chapter is a rich conclusion to the book.  It recounts how she was protected by her brothers growing up (v.8).  When she matured, she had resisted sexual temptation (v.10).  Then, she met Solomon in one of his vineyards (v.11).

The middle verses contain some of the most powerful statements of human love in the entire Bible.

1. True love is persistent. (v.6a)
The signet seal is an official stamp.  Once done, it is not to be tampered with or altered.  The traditional marriage vows state that regardless of any change in circumstances-for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health-the couple is to love and to cherish each other.  Her request was that such a seal be upon all his thoughts and his actions.  True love never gives up.

2. True love is passionate. (v.6b-7a)
There is someone for everyone.  Like death, true love is no respecter of persons, stage of life, or status.  It happens to all of us.  Love is a burning desire to give oneself and to be with that one person.  This is very different from lust, whose only goal is to get.  The phrase may be translated "the very flame of the LORD" as in the ESV and the NIV notation.  Not only is this kind of love acceptable to God, He is the Creator of such emotions.  With that literal translation, it is the only reference to God in the book.

3. True love is priceless. (v.7b)
No amount of money can buy love.  Trying to do so will only result in that one being despised.  True love is given.  It is gift that one freely offers to another.

In Ephesians 5, we learn that marriage pictures to an unbelieving world our relationship with Christ.  How a wife shows respect to her husband and the manner in which a husband demonstrates love to his wife, tells everyone around them, "This is how Jesus loves me!"

 

Giving and Receiving

 Read Song of Solomon 7.

Love involves giving and receiving; initiating and responding.

1. Giving. (vv.1-9a)
As the poem continues, the husband described in detail why he was so attracted to her.  He began at her feet and went all the way up to her head in praising her beauty.  Of course, this was not the first and only time he did this for her (chapter 4).  And, she had done the same for him (chapter 5).  It would be only a guess that not many couples intentionally and verbally praise each other's physical attributes and personal attractions.  Yet, such allurements lead to love-making.

2. Receiving. (vv.9b-10)
The flip side of giving such praise is thoughtfully and emotionally receiving it.  Insecurities and realities cause us to focus on what we perceive as our imperfections.  That makes it difficult for many to accept that someone else finds us attractive.  Often, praise can be dismissed or ignored as insincere.  For some, receiving love may be more difficult than giving it.  Here, the wife felt her husband's love and his desire for her. 

3. Initiating. (vv.11-13)
As the passions peaked, it was the wife who suggested they get away together for the purpose of sexual intimacy.  It was she who said, "I will give you my love"… "which I have laid up for you."  The husband does not always need to be the initiator. 

4. Responding.
There are three practical areas of creating romantic responses.
>Be attentive.
Throughout the day give attention to each other.  Someone once said that sex begins in the kitchen.  In other words, treating one another lovingly throughout the day builds anticipation.
>Be affectionate.
Throughout the day express love by words, touches, hugs, and kisses.  It should be a way of life, not just for specific times.  
> Be available.
Making private time a priority is crucial to the relationship.  Some are morning people.  Others are night owls.  Being spontaneous and having fun together requires one or both to be willing to give time and energy in order to receive love.  

 

The two became One

 Read Song of Solomon 6.

"What's mine is yours."  That statement announces an unreserved presentation of one person to another.  There is no holding back, no secrets, and no place for selfish protection.  Joyfully giving up a sense of ownership to a spouse for life is a Biblical understanding of marriage.

The Apostle Paul wrote in no uncertain terms, "The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband.  For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does.  Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does." (1 Corinthians 7:3-4)

"But I have my rights," some would say.  "It is my body and I can do what I want," others claim.  Maintaining those views of personal rights will not only violate the Scriptural statements of marriage, but they will hinder and then destroy the relationship.

Notice the statements from the text expressing this sense of belonging.
Husband: "This is my beloved and this is my friend." (5:16)

Wife: "I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine." (6:3)

Husband: "My dove, my perfect one, is the only one..." (6:9)

Jack S. Deere comments that her nickname, Shulammite (v.13), in Hebrew is a feminine form of Solomon.  Others so identified her with her husband, as a couple, that they referred to her in that manner; Solomoness, if you will. 

Eve was called Woman "because she was taken out of Man."  The declaration was "therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they all become one flesh" (Genesis 2:23-24).  Oneness is not sameness.  Rather, it is two opposites that complement each other to form a whole.

 

2 elements of a healthy Marriage

 Read Song of Solomon 5.

This chapter highlights two more important elements in maintaining a healthy marriage.   Some changes in the personal references would indicate that no longer are they newlyweds.  If a couple is not careful, they may take each other for granted.  What they used to say and do for each other can feel unnecessary to them.  Other things become more important, transferring time and attentiveness elsewhere.  They grow apart instead of continuing to cling to each other.

1. Her availability to him. (vv.1-9)
Again, she dreamed about him.  In what seems to be a near nightmare, he came to see her but the door was locked.  It was too inconvenient for her to get up, pull something on, and get her feet dirty to let him in.  Then, in a change of mind, she ran through the streets looking for him.  But unlike her dream in chapter three, this time the city watchmen mistook her for a criminal.  Was this dream displaying her guilty feelings?

Wives can busy themselves with the rightful duties of household chores, their own work, taking care of children, talking to friends, etc. that they ignore their most important human relationship.  All energies and time are spent and there is nothing left for her husband when he is available.

If being available to one's spouse is deemed as an inconvenience, some decisive changes are in order and quick.

2. His attractiveness to her. (vv.10-16)
In chapter four, Solomon kept saying she was beautiful and then gave eight specific reasons to support his feelings.  Here, it is the wife who did that for him.  He was handsome to her and she said so.  Beyond his general appearance, she mentioned nine things about him that she liked.

Husbands have feeling also.  A man needs to sense that his wife respects him, values him, and is attracted to him.  Silence is not golden on this subject.  Likewise, this means that a husband must be a man of inward character and attentive to his appearance.

 

Attraction on the wedding Night

 Read Song of Solomon 4.

Rogers and Hammerstein asked a great question in Cinderella, "Do I love you because you are beautiful or are you beautiful because I love you?"  

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder."  It is a relative and individual evaluation.  The Apostle Paul wrote in another context that comparing ourselves among ourselves is not a wise thing to do.

"Beauty is only skin deep."  Character trumps outward looks.  God had to remind Samuel that humans look on the outside but the LORD sees the heart.

The truth is that we do see the outward appearance of each other and make certain evaluations.  And, a man is attracted to what he sees.

The wedding night description begins here in chapter 4.  They are finally alone for intimacy.  Solomon took the lead and repeatedly speaks of her beauty.  But more than just a declaration of his love, he detailed what attracts him to her.  Eight distinct features are mentioned: her eyes, hair, teeth, lips, mouth, cheeks, neck and breasts.
 
As his emotions heightened, his focus is not on himself, but her.  He compared her to a wonderful, fruit-filled garden.  "Locked" (v.12), as a virgin, she welcomed him (v.16).  He thoroughly enjoyed making love to her (5:1).

While one's culture, family background and personal preferences guide our likes and dislikes, a woman should always be mindful of her appearance and attractiveness to her husband.  For a wife, it is her husband's appreciation that truly counts.  Husbands need to take notice and regularly express specific appreciation.

 

The foundations of a Marriage

 Read Song of Solomon 3.

Few days in the life of young lady is more anticipated than her wedding.  The Bible does not give any instruction about a wedding ceremony itself, except that it does involve a public commitment of a man and a woman for life.  God clearly holds marriage in the strictest sense of honor and purity. 

"Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous." (Hebrews 13:4)

Every wedding in the Bible includes three things that are always present: wedding guests, wedding garments, and food.

After some time of courtship, the couple's love reached a zenith.  It was time for the ceremony.

1. He was the man of her dreams. (vv.1-5)
After the visit in chapter 2, Solomon left her and her heart left with him.  She loved him so much she could not stop longing for him.  At night, she dreamed that she wandered the streets searching for him.  And, when at last she found him, she took him home with her.  But it was only a dream.

2.  He was the man of her destiny. (vv.6-11)
The wedding day arrived.  She was at the appointed place and waiting.  Then, in the distance she and the guests could see the groom's procession- "here comes the groom."  Not only was he the king, but in eastern culture the groom was the focus of attention at the ceremony.  Solomon appeared accompanied by an entourage of 60 armed men.  He came on a royal throne of silver and gold.  On his head was the crown that Bathsheba had given him in 1 Kings 2:13. 

There is nothing else in life that compares to two people who are so committed to each other that they willingly and publicly promise faithfulness to each other until their death.

 

4 signs for women of Mr. Right

 Read Song of Solomon 2.

The unnamed bride expressed her love for Solomon and explained in romantic terms why he was the right man for her.  With her humble background, she looked for reassurances.  In verse 3, she said of all men, this one surprisingly stood out among the rest.  Why?  What were those indicators that caused her to want to spend the rest of her life with him?

This is a good checklist for all women in their days of dating.  And, these are some solid reminders for men on how to treat women.

1. She felt safe with him. (v.3b)
His presence ("shadow") provided a spot of comfort.  Her favorite emotional place was to be in his arms.

2. She enjoyed him.  (v.3c)
Over time, they had enough experience to know one another.  She not only loved him, she liked him; especially, his kisses.

3. She felt special among his friends.  (v.4a)
The king escorted her into his banquet.  Everyone present took notice as he lovingly wanted to show her off.

4. She felt honored by him in public. (v.4b)
The army in the field held the nation's banner high with a sense of pride.  In the same way, in his love for her, he wanted others to take notice of them as a couple.

She was so taken back by all of this that she swooned with weakness.  She could hardly wait to see him, to have something sweet to eat, and for him to hold her.  Then, he arrived (vv.5-17).