The two became One

 Read Song of Solomon 6.

"What's mine is yours."  That statement announces an unreserved presentation of one person to another.  There is no holding back, no secrets, and no place for selfish protection.  Joyfully giving up a sense of ownership to a spouse for life is a Biblical understanding of marriage.

The Apostle Paul wrote in no uncertain terms, "The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband.  For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does.  Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does." (1 Corinthians 7:3-4)

"But I have my rights," some would say.  "It is my body and I can do what I want," others claim.  Maintaining those views of personal rights will not only violate the Scriptural statements of marriage, but they will hinder and then destroy the relationship.

Notice the statements from the text expressing this sense of belonging.
Husband: "This is my beloved and this is my friend." (5:16)

Wife: "I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine." (6:3)

Husband: "My dove, my perfect one, is the only one..." (6:9)

Jack S. Deere comments that her nickname, Shulammite (v.13), in Hebrew is a feminine form of Solomon.  Others so identified her with her husband, as a couple, that they referred to her in that manner; Solomoness, if you will. 

Eve was called Woman "because she was taken out of Man."  The declaration was "therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they all become one flesh" (Genesis 2:23-24).  Oneness is not sameness.  Rather, it is two opposites that complement each other to form a whole.

 

2 elements of a healthy Marriage

 Read Song of Solomon 5.

This chapter highlights two more important elements in maintaining a healthy marriage.   Some changes in the personal references would indicate that no longer are they newlyweds.  If a couple is not careful, they may take each other for granted.  What they used to say and do for each other can feel unnecessary to them.  Other things become more important, transferring time and attentiveness elsewhere.  They grow apart instead of continuing to cling to each other.

1. Her availability to him. (vv.1-9)
Again, she dreamed about him.  In what seems to be a near nightmare, he came to see her but the door was locked.  It was too inconvenient for her to get up, pull something on, and get her feet dirty to let him in.  Then, in a change of mind, she ran through the streets looking for him.  But unlike her dream in chapter three, this time the city watchmen mistook her for a criminal.  Was this dream displaying her guilty feelings?

Wives can busy themselves with the rightful duties of household chores, their own work, taking care of children, talking to friends, etc. that they ignore their most important human relationship.  All energies and time are spent and there is nothing left for her husband when he is available.

If being available to one's spouse is deemed as an inconvenience, some decisive changes are in order and quick.

2. His attractiveness to her. (vv.10-16)
In chapter four, Solomon kept saying she was beautiful and then gave eight specific reasons to support his feelings.  Here, it is the wife who did that for him.  He was handsome to her and she said so.  Beyond his general appearance, she mentioned nine things about him that she liked.

Husbands have feeling also.  A man needs to sense that his wife respects him, values him, and is attracted to him.  Silence is not golden on this subject.  Likewise, this means that a husband must be a man of inward character and attentive to his appearance.

 

Attraction on the wedding Night

 Read Song of Solomon 4.

Rogers and Hammerstein asked a great question in Cinderella, "Do I love you because you are beautiful or are you beautiful because I love you?"  

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder."  It is a relative and individual evaluation.  The Apostle Paul wrote in another context that comparing ourselves among ourselves is not a wise thing to do.

"Beauty is only skin deep."  Character trumps outward looks.  God had to remind Samuel that humans look on the outside but the LORD sees the heart.

The truth is that we do see the outward appearance of each other and make certain evaluations.  And, a man is attracted to what he sees.

The wedding night description begins here in chapter 4.  They are finally alone for intimacy.  Solomon took the lead and repeatedly speaks of her beauty.  But more than just a declaration of his love, he detailed what attracts him to her.  Eight distinct features are mentioned: her eyes, hair, teeth, lips, mouth, cheeks, neck and breasts.
 
As his emotions heightened, his focus is not on himself, but her.  He compared her to a wonderful, fruit-filled garden.  "Locked" (v.12), as a virgin, she welcomed him (v.16).  He thoroughly enjoyed making love to her (5:1).

While one's culture, family background and personal preferences guide our likes and dislikes, a woman should always be mindful of her appearance and attractiveness to her husband.  For a wife, it is her husband's appreciation that truly counts.  Husbands need to take notice and regularly express specific appreciation.

 

The foundations of a Marriage

 Read Song of Solomon 3.

Few days in the life of young lady is more anticipated than her wedding.  The Bible does not give any instruction about a wedding ceremony itself, except that it does involve a public commitment of a man and a woman for life.  God clearly holds marriage in the strictest sense of honor and purity. 

"Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous." (Hebrews 13:4)

Every wedding in the Bible includes three things that are always present: wedding guests, wedding garments, and food.

After some time of courtship, the couple's love reached a zenith.  It was time for the ceremony.

1. He was the man of her dreams. (vv.1-5)
After the visit in chapter 2, Solomon left her and her heart left with him.  She loved him so much she could not stop longing for him.  At night, she dreamed that she wandered the streets searching for him.  And, when at last she found him, she took him home with her.  But it was only a dream.

2.  He was the man of her destiny. (vv.6-11)
The wedding day arrived.  She was at the appointed place and waiting.  Then, in the distance she and the guests could see the groom's procession- "here comes the groom."  Not only was he the king, but in eastern culture the groom was the focus of attention at the ceremony.  Solomon appeared accompanied by an entourage of 60 armed men.  He came on a royal throne of silver and gold.  On his head was the crown that Bathsheba had given him in 1 Kings 2:13. 

There is nothing else in life that compares to two people who are so committed to each other that they willingly and publicly promise faithfulness to each other until their death.

 

4 signs for women of Mr. Right

 Read Song of Solomon 2.

The unnamed bride expressed her love for Solomon and explained in romantic terms why he was the right man for her.  With her humble background, she looked for reassurances.  In verse 3, she said of all men, this one surprisingly stood out among the rest.  Why?  What were those indicators that caused her to want to spend the rest of her life with him?

This is a good checklist for all women in their days of dating.  And, these are some solid reminders for men on how to treat women.

1. She felt safe with him. (v.3b)
His presence ("shadow") provided a spot of comfort.  Her favorite emotional place was to be in his arms.

2. She enjoyed him.  (v.3c)
Over time, they had enough experience to know one another.  She not only loved him, she liked him; especially, his kisses.

3. She felt special among his friends.  (v.4a)
The king escorted her into his banquet.  Everyone present took notice as he lovingly wanted to show her off.

4. She felt honored by him in public. (v.4b)
The army in the field held the nation's banner high with a sense of pride.  In the same way, in his love for her, he wanted others to take notice of them as a couple.

She was so taken back by all of this that she swooned with weakness.  She could hardly wait to see him, to have something sweet to eat, and for him to hold her.  Then, he arrived (vv.5-17).

 

Conversations of a Courtship

Read Song of Solomon 1.

The wise king wrote 1,005 songs (1 Kings 4:32) but of all of them, this is his "Song of Songs."  Through the years many have taken various views on the book, but it is important to maintain a consistent method of interpreting Scripture.  All of Scripture must pass the tests of historical, grammatical, and literal contexts with the whole of the Bible.  Indeed, "All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness." (2 Timothy 3:16)

Jack S. Deere stated it well in the Bible Knowledge Commentary: "The purpose of the book is to extol human love and marriage.  Though at first this seems strange, on reflection it is not surprising for God to have included in the biblical canon a book endorsing the beauty and purity of marital love.  God created man and woman (Genesis 1:27; 2:20-23) and established and sanctioned marriage (Genesis 2:24).  Since the world views sex so sordidly and perverts and exploits it so persistently and since so many marriages are crumbling because of lack of love, commitment, and devotion, it is advantageous to have a book in the Bible that gives God's endorsement of marital love as wholesome and pure." (BKC pp.1009-1010)

The elements of the conversation between them are the same for all healthy relationships prior to marriage.  These exchanges can help maintain a healthy marriage also.
1 Her desire for him. (vv.1-4)
The bride anticipated the time when she would finally be alone with the king.  She longed for his kisses and expressions of his love.  But it was not only his physical attraction that wooed her.  It was his "name," reputation or character, that motivated this longing for him.  At the end of verse 4, a chorus of unidentified others, possibly family or friends, confirm the rightness of this relationship.  Having conducted a few score of weddings, it is crucial that a couple have wise counsel and the support of others around them.

2. Her feelings of inadequacy. (vv.5-7)
The bride expressed some insecurity about herself and her background.  She explained that she did not grow up as a daughter of privilege.  Her sun tanned appearance was the result of working in her family's vineyard and pasture.  In other words, this girl was a commoner about to marry a king.  Would she be looked down upon or would she be truly accepted?

3. His verbal reassurance. (vv.8-11)
"If you do not know by now...," is the reply.  The soon-to-be groom tried to allay her fears with his statements of love and affirmations of how beautiful she is to him and others.  The comparisons he used do not convey the same message very well to the western mind.  But in the style of Solomon's day, these were romantic things to say.  The voices of others quickly added that jewelry would be made and given to her for even greater compliments to her beauty.

4. Her sighing. (vv.12-14)
Like an intoxicating fragrance, this man was constantly on her mind and stirred an increasing desire for him.

5. His specific appreciation. (v.15)
Solomon simply responded with how attracted he was by her beautiful and peaceful eyes.

6. Her feelings of confidence. (vv.16-17 and 2:1)
The bride thought he was handsome and charming.  Further, she seemed pleased with the environment of their courtship.  Then she made the bold statement of her sense of self-worth.  Common flowers, but she felt beautiful and admired because he said so.  His opinion was all that mattered.

7. His confirming words. (v.2:2)
To him, she was a beautiful flower.  All the other women he considered thorns.  There was no one else for him but her.

Two actions are required for such a conversation: men who will express their love and women who will receive it.

 

3 words for the next Generation

 Read Ecclesiastes 12.

Out of his wisdom and experience, Solomon wrote for the next generation.  In the book of Proverbs, he often began a passage with the words, "my son."  Here, he spoke to "youth."  The immediate context begins in chapter 11.

1. Rejoice. (11:9)
Those who have experienced the love and forgiveness of the LORD should be the happiest humans on earth.  Enjoy life to the fullest. 

2. Remove. (11:10)
And, while you are having fun, be sure to stay away from evil.  Yes, everyone will inevitably have their share of hurts and disappointments from things totally out of their control.   But, the warning is to not bring pain and sorrow on yourself by personal sin. 

3. Remember. (12:1-14)
Solomon closed this book with three sobering lifetime reminders.

We are only here for a short time. (vv.1-8)
This is the best description of the aging process in the Bible.  Our bodies were never meant to last but a few years at best.  The question every person should be asking is, "Then what?"  We are not left in doubt.  The LORD answered the question with clarity.  Eternity awaits.  Where one will spend eternity when the spirit leaves the body depends upon how an individual responded to Jesus and His offer of forgiveness in this life.

For those without a commitment to Christ-
"...just as it is appointed for a man to die once, and after that comes judgment..." (Hebrews 9:27)
For those committed to Christ-
"Yes, we are of good courage, and we would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord." (2 Corinthians 5:8)

We must have God's wisdom while we are here. (vv.9-12)
The number of voices calling for us to live by their made-up philosophies has no end.  They are all distractions, energized by Satan himself, to keep people from enjoying a personal relationship with God both here and in eternity.  All true wisdom comes from the LORD, that one true Shepherd of life.  His wisdom nails down the absolutes and urges us on to do what is right.

We are to live for God and fulfill our purpose for being here. (vv.13-14)
It is called "the whole duty of man."  Everything else is temporal and one day we will leave it all behind.