Read 1Samuel
20.
An old adage
that dates back over 500 years states: "A friend in need is a friend
indeed." Many can be friendly, but
it is in times of personal crises that one discovers who their true friends
are.
David found
himself in a life and death crisis. King
Saul and all his minions were on a pursuit to find and kill David. At the core of his stress, perhaps more than
his potential loss of life was the question, "Why?" In verse 1 he asked, "What have I done? What is my guilt? And what is my sin...?"
Every suffering
person asks those same questions.
"What did I do wrong that this happened to me? What could I have done differently? What is my sin that God has allowed
this?" If there has been some obvious
foolish decision or outright sinful behavior, then one can more easily admit
they brought it on themselves. But, when
after self-examination there is no answer, the confusion can become unbearable. That is when it is most helpful to have a
friend.
Such friends
are few and far between. No one has a
lot of friendships on this level.
Fortunately for David, God provided Jonathan. Here are just a few transferable
characteristics of a true friend found in this chapter.
1. A true
friend is willing to just listen. (v.1)
A person on the
front end of a crisis does not want to hear platitudes; does not want the
subject changed to your story; does not want to hear a countering view; or your
solution. The first thing they need is
someone who will just listen to their emotions and even to vent their questions
without judgment. That does not mean
silence but words of understanding and support are needed.
2. A true
friend is available and willing to help. (v.4)
Some real
friends may care deeply but due to other circumstances or commitments simply
cannot be available or in a position to help.
In times of deep need, we want someone who can drop what they are doing
to serve whatever is required.
Jonathan's words, "Whatever you say, I will do for you," had
to be reassuring to David. In verses 5
and 42, this commitment extended to their families.
3. A true
friend is meeting real needs, not just temporal ones. (v.14)
The greatest
need of anyone is to experience the eternal love of the LORD. The second is to experience the faithful love
of a friend. This type of love is best
defined in the word commitment. David
looked at Jonathan and said, "Show me the steadfast love of the
LORD". We have the opportunity in
such cases to be the hands of Jesus in demonstrating what true love looks like.
4. A true
friend has a plan to help. (vv.18-22)
Without
specifics of what to do, the moment will only melt into a puddle of
emotions. There must be some substance
that will genuinely aid the one in crisis to take the next step. It may not be the ultimate solution, but at
least there is movement and progress toward hope.
5. A true
friend has your back. (vv.28-34)
Jonathan
defended David when he was not there to defend himself. When others say bad things about your friend
in their absence, what do you do or say?
That is a test of true friendship.
Standing up for David almost cost Jonathan his life. Willingness to put one's own life on the line
for another is the highest commitment of a true friend.
6. A true friend
is emotionally invested. (v.41)
Sometimes there
is nothing left to do but cry together.
"A man of
many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than
a brother." (Proverbs 18:24)